Musings: Discernment

This post started on me musing about my lack of discernment in both the renting and the dating realm. During a listening prayer session, I realized what it all boils down to. Please pardon the hopscotch.

Let's set the table by defining discernment. Merriam-Webster states that discernment is: "an act of perceiving or discerning something". Thanks, that's super helpful. Oxford is slightly more helpful: "the ability to show good judgement about the quality of somebody/something".

In renting and dating, there's a couple of reasons I'm terrible at discernment.

Economics:

In microeconomics terms, the supply and demand of two areas could frankly not be more different. Housing, when renting, is plentiful and one-sided. As long as I'm willing to shell out, I have my pick of places to stay. Beyond location (commute), location (nearby food places), location (distance to friends); prices, amenities, roommates, size, and layout are all things to consider. My discernment dies this way: the sheer volume of options overwhelm me, I plug my nose, throw a dart and live with it.

On the flipside, dating is a far tighter market. Criteria and considerations are also numerous, but the the options, assuming that you use the perfectly reasonable restriction of "they like me back", is far sparser. This scarcity creates a lack of judgement. If someone likes me, "OH I GOTTA TAKE THIS CHANCE". This does not give me a chance to execute discernment, and frankly really undersells my self-worth.

Ego:

For those of you who don't know me well, here's some news: I have a big ego. I believe I have the confidence, competence, and ability to make it work, whatever "it" is. Every red-flag is just another reason to work harder. A reason to be proud when I come out the other end. I'm a fixer. I'm an improver. Having issues just gives me more to do. This has backfired spectacularly, with there being thoughts of one of my ex's being a "project".

Discernment in listening to God:

How do I know which ideas, which thoughts, which paths comes from God? The verse that comes to mind is 1 Kings 19:11-12:

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 

During the listening prayer, I was reminded how easy it is when it's God's plan. How easy it was to get everything lined up to move to the Bay Area. How easy it was, painful as it was, to break a sinful relationship. There is no forcing it. And when it's God's plan, there's no stopping it.

It's easy to be overwhelmed. My mind goes a hundred miles an hour when it's on, and it turns off only when I sleep. A friend from life group mentioned that thoughts from God can stand the test of time, and I think that's true. I know exactly how I am. When I think through a path (renting or dating), I can run it all the way through moving in. Having time to take a beat and wait it out, pray about it, and let the path materialize on its own will help me discern which options I'm forcing. Trust in the Lord, and it will all come.