Baptism: We talkin' 'bout music?

My counsellor once warned that religion could be dangerous for someone with narcissistic traits, as the last thing they need to believe is that they are indeed special. I see where he's coming from, but that's not going to stop me from believing.

I'm not going into how I ended up sitting next to my ex-fiancee on November 25, 2018, both of us awaiting our turn for our baptism in the front row, as that's a story for another time. Instead, I want to talk about the songs that they and He chose for the baptism service. In all honesty, I knew the first song but cannot recall it, but it's unimportant to the story today. When the next two songs started playing, I started bouncing and beaming at Julie. Not only did I know the songs, they were the two most important worship songs to me. Without making any requests, the music called to me and brought me an incredible sense of joy and giddy, and I think that was the mindset God wanted me to have going into the baptism itself. It should be a joyful and giddy moment. I'm being embraced by the Lord and brought back into His arms.

Trust in You - Lauren Daigle: A worship song I picked up after my engagement was called off in September 2018 and spammed for the two months since, it served as a reminder that I am not in control of much. In fact, sometimes my plans are going to fall apart, and that's okay. My relationship at the time was very much lust driven and did not glorify God at all. Even though we were months from moving in together and getting married, it needed to be torn apart. I can trust in God to do what He must, and I trust that God has a plan better than mine. Survivor bias and hindsight aside, I have been blessed with so much since the break-up and look forward to anything else He has planned for me.

Christ is Enough - Hillsong Worship: I've been listening to this song for a while before the baptism, but there's two distinct ways this song speaks to me. The first requires a quick detour to a musical movie, The Greatest Showman. I watched it with Julie, and the song / part that made me bawl was Never Enough, beautifully and desperately sung by Loren Allred. The song struck like an arrow at my greatest anxiety. I live life at a frenetic pace, always wondering what's next and wanting to improve things. In fact, my constant tinkering contributed to the relationship's downfall. The time and attention I got from her was Never Enough. The money I was making was Never Enough. The utensils and small appliances I got for the condo was Never Enough. I always wanted more. This song reminds me, that in my frantic chase for more, Christ is Enough for me. Secondly, I'm very much in love with the verse at the end, and how well it fit into a baptism. Being baptized was the declaration that "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back". It means that the Cross was before me, the world was behind me, and there's no turning back. I'm living my life as best as I can as a Christian, and I can sing that at the top of my lungs. Just for the cynics, they did not play this song at the next Baptism, nor the previous one.

Music is a big part of who I am, and a big way in how God spoke to me. I hope these songs help you in your spiritual journey as well, and look forward to sharing more songs.